How a “Mindfulness Bucket” will improve your relationships

The "self" acts a lot like water. In this video I introduce more about the idea of your "Mindfulness Bucket" which I presented with an earlier infographic. Our attention, energy, and patience are not in unending supply. Those parts of our self are our precious natural resources. And just like water, we need a bucket to contain, care for, cons...
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Why mindfulness can’t be optional

  Have you ever tried to slow down and be more mindful? I have. For a long time, I sincerely intended to make mindfulness a priority, but I would eventually fall into my autopilot habits like over-thinking and an over-focus on problem-solving. It felt right to focus on finding solutions and the stuff that need to be done. But there is something we must remember......
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The problem with certainty

Certainty is a basic human need. Who doesn’t yearn to have certainty that their family will be happy and safe, their financial lives will be secure, and their spouse and friends will have their back? But feeling too much certainty about other people can be warning sign. One of the first steps in my journey to a visible self, was the realization that I had a lot more ‘cer...
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20 Signs You Are Invisible in Your Relationships

Do any of these things sound familiar? You feel like a lot of things in your life need changing. From the outside, it probably looks to others like your relationship with your partner or spouse is more okay than it actually feels. You feel taken-for-granted at work and/or home quite frequently. When you think about mindfulness, it honestly seems like a waste of ti...
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This shift makes a huge difference

Do you feel like you're giving a lot... to your partner, family and work... but it's not hitting the mark like you thought it would? If the answer is yes, you are not alone. There was a time in my own life that I felt this way. I thought that being my "best self" meant I should focus on others as much as possible. I worked in the helping professions, and I spent a lot of tim...
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The power of our autopilot

Don't underestimate the power of your autopilot. Learning to drive a manual-transmission car is the best metaphor I can think of to explain the relationship between the conscious and auto-pilot parts of your mind.  Automatic transmissions may work just fine to translate your intended direction via the steering wheel, gas pedal and brakes. But people are often drawn to th...
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We will never force change

A poem I wrote early in my work in addiction treatment .... We will never force change It comes from within and runs from pressure We can only believe in the goodness that bears us all And the connection that can open with anyone With the right patience & acceptance All the clichés whirl around my head With meaning I can’t believe was absent When it comes to self-im...
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Why feeling stress is necessary for happiness

If you ask yourself  "How do I feel right now?" Is there a ready answer? Very often, to be successful in our society, we must pump up our thinking abilities.  Many of us lead very rich thinking lives and we certainly benefit in practical ways because  of it.  We must be able to problem solve and analyze and wordsmith.  So if you are a skilled thinker, it can be easy to s...
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The Do’s and Don’ts of Persuasion

  It may not always seem like it, but fundamentally we all change in a similar way. Ideally in childhood our parents let us experience an appropriate amount of uncomfortable consequences when we acted out. By experiencing this discomfort, we identified our own personal reasons why the behavior (or misbehavior) was not in our best interest. And ideally, this mechanis...
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How to avoid the most common obstacle to change

It's Tuesday morning and you are three days into your new clean eating plan. You've been feeling great and proud of yourself. But this morning was rough. You got up late, the kids were arguing the entire way to school, and now you are facing that box of donuts in the break room with far less resolve than you had about skipping dessert last night. This is where the ...
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How to find your authenticity

In a great 90's movie, "City Slickers", the weathered and wise "Curley" torments Billy Crystal's character by promising the answer to one of life's greatest questions..."What's the meaning of life?"  Even my ears perked up at the thought of this answer somehow being delivered by the end of the movie.  Eventually Billy Crystal's character does come to his own understanding of th...
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