How to Use Micro-Mindfulness for Difficult Decisions

You’re finally home from work, dinner and the dishes are done, and part of you just wants to relax on the couch and watch a show. But another part of you feels guilty if you do that, because that work report really should go out tomorrow morning. What’s the right balance? Or you promised your daughter that you’d read an extra chapter in her story before bedtime, but you...
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The Hidden Mindfulness Lesson of Hygge

I was driving home after doing errands Saturday, and as I sat at the stoplight before my street, I thought of something I wanted to share with you about “hygge”…. that Danish ritual of coziness that’s become so popular in the UK and now the US. Hygge is all about drinking in moments of coziness … Both the physical kind like bundling up in your warmest socks and swe...
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How to Embrace Authentic Mindfulness in 2019

Do you ever feel like you're not "zen" enough? There are a lot of cliches out there about what mindfulness is supposed to look like. "Mindfulness is drinking tea, rather than coffee"  "Mindfulness is feeling grateful on-demand" Or "Mindfulness is exerting a kind of zen acceptance of difficulties and not getting upset" And I get mindfully annoyed when I see these kinds o...
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How to wring out every bit of goodness during your gift exchange

There will be an empty chair  as we open presents with my family this year.  And I hope that wonderful man’s love for the slower, mindful pace, even on Christmas morning, will not be forgotten. Ours has been one of those families where each person takes their turn opening one present at a time, and saying thank you before moving onto the next person.   It m...
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Why self-compassion is a prerequisite for mindfulness

Maybe one of these sounds familiar? You're behind on several tasks at home or work and that dark feeling of delinquency comes over you saying "What is wrong with me? ... Everyone else is on top things." Or your spouse comes home in a rotten mood and suddenly you feel kind of bad about yourself saying "They wouldn't be talking to me like this if I had... or I hadn't...." ...
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How mindfulness keeps your “dark-side” in check

We all have a "dark side"...everyone of us does. Under the right amount of stress or pain, we can all succumb to dark, pessimistic thinking that results in ugly  words or actions. Our biology sets us up for this. Negative (a.k.a. fear-based) thinking is a "safer" option in survival terms. It keeps us on own toes when we're in real danger. But dark-side thinking and attitude...
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Use fear at the right time

Isn’t it amazing how much your thinking can change with your mood? When my fear is triggered, I can question things that in any other moment I know are quite secure. It’s something to respect about our humanity. Fear doesn’t just change how we think. Fear changes what we think. Fear activates a kind of supercomputer that runs through an astounding number of possibilities, ch...
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What to Say When: “You’re afraid someone is angry with you”

This weekend my husband and I stumbled into a conversation that turned our nice dinner out into a frosty misunderstanding. We were talking about something light and nostalgic, when somehow one of my comments gave my husband the impression that I was trying to “pick a fight” with him. I wasn't. In my mind, I was recalling a memory. But soon after I experienced what felt like an ...
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How to have a good relationship with your anger

Anger serves an important purpose, but it must be managed. When we're angry, we may say things we later regret. Or we may not advocate for our needs by speaking up if something is bothering us. If either scenario fits for you, here are some ways to keep things in balance when it comes to anger: Get to know your personal anger signals. Maybe you internalized the idea...
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Five Lessons I Had to Learn to Be Better In My Relationships

I stand before you on this Valentine’s Day, immensely grateful for the wisdom I found rather late in my life. I turned 40 this year. And if I could tell my 20-something self that I would be 36 before getting married, I probably would’ve lost my marbles. Or more likely, I wouldn’t have believed it, because I was blind to the relationship truths I’m going to share with you today…...
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The 5 Surprising Benefits of Anger

Anger often gets a bad rap. It’s the feeling that we often judge as “wrong” or “bad.” But we can still get really angry... Scary angry at times. I've certainly been guilty of that myself. Just ask my husband. For a long time anger was only visible to me (and everyone else) when it was big...inaccurately big. I couldn't see my anger at the lower intensities, so it eventually...
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5 ways to be more self-compassionate

Instead of judging yourself harshly when you….Feel Angry…. Appreciate that anger is information. Anger tells you that you are reaching a tolerance limit and you need something. You may need distance from someone or something. You may need to take action, adjust course, or need to eat, rest or connect with someone for support. Instead of judging yourself harshly when you….Mak...
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Why feeling stress is necessary for happiness

If you ask yourself  "How do I feel right now?" Is there a ready answer? Very often, to be successful in our society, we must pump up our thinking abilities.  Many of us lead very rich thinking lives and we certainly benefit in practical ways because  of it.  We must be able to problem solve and analyze and wordsmith.  So if you are a skilled thinker, it can be easy to s...
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The Do’s and Don’ts of Persuasion

  It may not always seem like it, but fundamentally we all change in a similar way. Ideally in childhood our parents let us experience an appropriate amount of uncomfortable consequences when we acted out. By experiencing this discomfort, we identified our own personal reasons why the behavior (or misbehavior) was not in our best interest. And ideally, this mechanis...
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How to avoid the most common obstacle to change

It's Tuesday morning and you are three days into your new clean eating plan. You've been feeling great and proud of yourself. But this morning was rough. You got up late, the kids were arguing the entire way to school, and now you are facing that box of donuts in the break room with far less resolve than you had about skipping dessert last night. This is where the ...
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