Instead of judging yourself harshly when you….Feel Angry…. Appreciate that anger is information. Anger tells you that you are reaching a tolerance limit and you need something. You may need distance from someone or something. You may need to take action, adjust course, or need to eat, rest or connect with someone for support.
Instead of judging yourself harshly when you….Make A Mistake … Expect that life will always be a mixture of successes and failures. We all make mistakes at times. We will continue to make mistakes. If you are unconsciously expecting that you as a person are “wrong” because of a past mistake, that’s not accurate. “Who” you are is not a static thing. Time is long. Who you are can be ever-changing.
Instead of judging yourself harshly when you….Feel Weak…. Remember that needs and vulnerabilities don’t make us wrong – they make us real and connectable. Have compassion for your needs for support and connection. You aren’t meant to “go it alone” all the time. We can misinterpret circumstances to mean we shouldn’t ask for support – but that’s the judgment talking. We all need support at times. And those vulnerabilities present our best opportunities to connect with others. When was the last time you bonded with someone over your shared perfection? Our common struggles are often where we feel our greatest connection.
Instead of judging yourself harshly when you….Feel Inadequate…Think about what perspective you are taking. We’re all doing the best we know how to do. If you are feeling this much unhappiness with yourself (i.e. this much judgment of yourself), often it is because your attention is not within yourself. You are taking an external perspective and not living within yourself. This is the benefit of your Mindfulness Bucket. When you stay connected within yourself, you end-run self-judgment at its root. We can only judge ourselves to be “less than” when look to external ideals.
Instead of judging yourself harshly when you….Feel Rejected…Stay connected to yourself. Be your own guardian, leader and friend. This takes some advanced self-compassion skill, but compassion is absolutely what you deserve in the face of rejection. Others may reject you. But you don’t have to reject yourself. Feeling “rejected” means you’ve joined whoever rejected you, and turned your back on yourself. Stand with yourself, even if feels like everyone else is against you.
Jessica is a psychotherapist, relationship and addiction expert, and creator of The Visible Self ® and VisibleU™ system. Over the last 17 years she has helped hundreds of busy adults create healthier habits and more satisfying relationships.
Jessica received her Master’s in Applied Psychology from New York University, and completed mediation training at the Columbia University School of Law. She has held numerous clinical roles, managed clinical operations for a national EAP, and advised executives on employee-relations concerns at Fortune 1000 companies. She lives in St. Louis, Missouri with her husband and a master instructor of mindful living …their Border Collie/Pointer-mix “Abby”.