How to use envy to your advantage

You're scrolling through Instagram and come upon a picture of someone's gorgeous vacation spot, idyllic corner in their home, exclusive event they're attending, and it hits you...your mood shifts, and suddenly your own life feels just a bit less "okay". FOMO can really get triggered during "fairytale" events like royal weddings, or coverage of galas or award shows like the Osc...
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Why self-compassion is a prerequisite for mindfulness

Maybe one of these sounds familiar? You're behind on several tasks at home or work and that dark feeling of delinquency comes over you saying "What is wrong with me? ... Everyone else is on top things." Or your spouse comes home in a rotten mood and suddenly you feel kind of bad about yourself saying "They wouldn't be talking to me like this if I had... or I hadn't...." ...
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Make space in your life to be present

It’s the Wednesday after holiday traditions that are essentially the polar opposite of minimalism...Thanksgiving dinner and Black Friday/CyberMonday shopping. Maybe it's an odd time to be talking about the benefits of minimizing. Or maybe it's the perfect time. Because the main point of minimalism and mindfulness is to make space for noticing the good in your life. Minim...
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How to Feel Powerful, More of the Time

You've just spent the week working on a project that you're feeling quite good about actually. Sitting in the team meeting, waiting to give your update, you are reasonably expecting to get some kudos from your boss afterward. But that's not what happens. She drills you with some out-of-left field questions and leaves you feeling ambushed as she moves on the next agenda i...
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Use fear at the right time

Isn’t it amazing how much your thinking can change with your mood? When my fear is triggered, I can question things that in any other moment I know are quite secure. It’s something to respect about our humanity. Fear doesn’t just change how we think. Fear changes what we think. Fear activates a kind of supercomputer that runs through an astounding number of possibilities, ch...
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How to be vulnerable and strong at the same time

  At our core, we are all vulnerable. It doesn’t matter how tough, sarcastic or stoic we’ve learned to be. We can’t be authentic but not vulnerable at times. In relationships, vulnerable feelings like sadness and fear draw us into connection with others. They create our appetite for closeness. But without the proper attention, our vulnerability can drive communicatio...
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How Mindfulness Improves Attention Problems

ADHD and other attention problems are emotional. They are frustrating for loved ones, teachers and coworkers. And they cause guilt for those who suffer from them. This is a personal issue for me. As a child I struggled with attention for schoolwork, and I was ashamed of it. I remember feeling like an alien watching my classmates quietly work on assignments. I just couldn...
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A Therapist’s Take on Being an Identical Twin

You may not know this about me, but I have a twin sister. That's us in the picture. When people hear this about me, often the very next question is “Are you identical?” For whatever reason, my sister and I assumed we were identical twins until we were older teenagers. At the time, I didn’t think much about it the significance. But as an adult (and a therapist) I know that th...
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What to Say When: “You’re afraid someone is angry with you”

This weekend my husband and I stumbled into a conversation that turned our nice dinner out into a frosty misunderstanding. We were talking about something light and nostalgic, when somehow one of my comments gave my husband the impression that I was trying to “pick a fight” with him. I wasn't. In my mind, I was recalling a memory. But soon after I experienced what felt like an ...
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Five Lessons I Had to Learn to Be Better In My Relationships

I stand before you on this Valentine’s Day, immensely grateful for the wisdom I found rather late in my life. I turned 40 this year. And if I could tell my 20-something self that I would be 36 before getting married, I probably would’ve lost my marbles. Or more likely, I wouldn’t have believed it, because I was blind to the relationship truths I’m going to share with you today…...
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5 ways to be more self-compassionate

Instead of judging yourself harshly when you….Feel Angry…. Appreciate that anger is information. Anger tells you that you are reaching a tolerance limit and you need something. You may need distance from someone or something. You may need to take action, adjust course, or need to eat, rest or connect with someone for support. Instead of judging yourself harshly when you….Mak...
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How a “Mindfulness Bucket” will improve your relationships

The "self" acts a lot like water. In this video I introduce more about the idea of your "Mindfulness Bucket" which I presented with an earlier infographic. Our attention, energy, and patience are not in unending supply. Those parts of our self are our precious natural resources. And just like water, we need a bucket to contain, care for, cons...
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This shift makes a huge difference

Do you feel like you're giving a lot... to your partner, family and work... but it's not hitting the mark like you thought it would? If the answer is yes, you are not alone. There was a time in my own life that I felt this way. I thought that being my "best self" meant I should focus on others as much as possible. I worked in the helping professions, and I spent a lot of tim...
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How to find your authenticity

In a great 90's movie, "City Slickers", the weathered and wise "Curley" torments Billy Crystal's character by promising the answer to one of life's greatest questions..."What's the meaning of life?"  Even my ears perked up at the thought of this answer somehow being delivered by the end of the movie.  Eventually Billy Crystal's character does come to his own understanding of th...
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