How to be vulnerable and strong at the same time

  At our core, we are all vulnerable. It doesn’t matter how tough, sarcastic or stoic we’ve learned to be. We can’t be authentic but not vulnerable at times. In relationships, vulnerable feelings like sadness and fear draw us into connection with others. They create our appetite for closeness. But without the proper attention, our vulnerability can drive communicatio...
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How Mindfulness Improves Attention Problems

ADHD and other attention problems are emotional. They are frustrating for loved ones, teachers and coworkers. And they cause guilt for those who suffer from them. This is a personal issue for me. As a child I struggled with attention for schoolwork, and I was ashamed of it. I remember feeling like an alien watching my classmates quietly work on assignments. I just couldn...
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A Therapist’s Take on Being an Identical Twin

You may not know this about me, but I have a twin sister. That's us in the picture. When people hear this about me, often the very next question is “Are you identical?” For whatever reason, my sister and I assumed we were identical twins until we were older teenagers. At the time, I didn’t think much about it the significance. But as an adult (and a therapist) I know that th...
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What to Say When: “You’re afraid someone is angry with you”

This weekend my husband and I stumbled into a conversation that turned our nice dinner out into a frosty misunderstanding. We were talking about something light and nostalgic, when somehow one of my comments gave my husband the impression that I was trying to “pick a fight” with him. I wasn't. In my mind, I was recalling a memory. But soon after I experienced what felt like an ...
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How to have a good relationship with your anger

Anger serves an important purpose, but it must be managed. When we're angry, we may say things we later regret. Or we may not advocate for our needs by speaking up if something is bothering us. If either scenario fits for you, here are some ways to keep things in balance when it comes to anger: Get to know your personal anger signals. Maybe you internalized the idea...
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Five Lessons I Had to Learn to Be Better In My Relationships

I stand before you on this Valentine’s Day, immensely grateful for the wisdom I found rather late in my life. I turned 40 this year. And if I could tell my 20-something self that I would be 36 before getting married, I probably would’ve lost my marbles. Or more likely, I wouldn’t have believed it, because I was blind to the relationship truths I’m going to share with you today…...
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The 5 Surprising Benefits of Anger

Anger often gets a bad rap. It’s the feeling that we often judge as “wrong” or “bad.” But we can still get really angry... Scary angry at times. I've certainly been guilty of that myself. Just ask my husband. For a long time anger was only visible to me (and everyone else) when it was big...inaccurately big. I couldn't see my anger at the lower intensities, so it eventually...
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Commit to a ‘Judgment-Free January’ (a FREE e-course)

  As you wade through the many articles, blogs and products promising to  help you lose weight, win that promotion, and every other goal you might have for the new year, I invite you to consider one more resolution: Join me in committing to a Judgment-Free January - a FREE email course you can begin throughout the month of January. Judgment, the harsh emotional k...
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How a “Mindfulness Bucket” will improve your relationships

The "self" acts a lot like water. In this video I introduce more about the idea of your "Mindfulness Bucket" which I presented with an earlier infographic. Our attention, energy, and patience are not in unending supply. Those parts of our self are our precious natural resources. And just like water, we need a bucket to contain, care for, cons...
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Why mindfulness can’t be optional

  Have you ever tried to slow down and be more mindful? I have. For a long time, I sincerely intended to make mindfulness a priority, but I would eventually fall into my autopilot habits like over-thinking and an over-focus on problem-solving. It felt right to focus on finding solutions and the stuff that need to be done. But there is something we must remember......
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The problem with certainty

Certainty is a basic human need. Who doesn’t yearn to have certainty that their family will be happy and safe, their financial lives will be secure, and their spouse and friends will have their back? But feeling too much certainty about other people can be warning sign. One of the first steps in my journey to a visible self, was the realization that I had a lot more ‘cer...
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20 Signs You Are Invisible in Your Relationships

Do any of these things sound familiar? You feel sort of "wrong" a lot of the time. From the outside, it probably looks to others like your relationship with your partner or spouse is more okay than it actually feels. You feel taken-for-granted at work and/or home quite frequently. You yearn for more compassion or acknowledgment from your partner or maybe boss. When y...
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This shift makes a huge difference

Do you feel like you're giving a lot... to your partner, family and work... but it's not hitting the mark like you thought it would? If the answer is yes, you are not alone. There was a time in my own life that I felt this way. I thought that being my "best self" meant I should focus on others as much as possible. I worked in the helping professions, and I spent a lot of tim...
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The Do’s and Don’ts of Persuasion

  It may not always seem like it, but fundamentally we all change in a similar way. Ideally in childhood our parents let us experience an appropriate amount of uncomfortable consequences when we acted out. By experiencing this discomfort, we identified our own personal reasons why the behavior (or misbehavior) was not in our best interest. And ideally, this mechanis...
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How to find your authenticity

In a great 90's movie, "City Slickers", the weathered and wise "Curley" torments Billy Crystal's character by promising the answer to one of life's greatest questions..."What's the meaning of life?"  Even my ears perked up at the thought of this answer somehow being delivered by the end of the movie.  Eventually Billy Crystal's character does come to his own understanding of th...
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