How to Embrace Authentic Mindfulness in 2019

Do you ever feel like you're not "zen" enough? There are a lot of cliches out there about what mindfulness is supposed to look like. "Mindfulness is drinking tea, rather than coffee"  "Mindfulness is feeling grateful on-demand" Or "Mindfulness is exerting a kind of zen acceptance of difficulties and not getting upset" And I get mindfully annoyed when I see these kinds o...
Read More --

How to wring out every bit of goodness during your gift exchange

There will be an empty chair  as we open presents with my family this year.  And I hope that wonderful man’s love for the slower, mindful pace, even on Christmas morning, will not be forgotten. Ours has been one of those families where each person takes their turn opening one present at a time, and saying thank you before moving onto the next person.   It m...
Read More --

Why self-compassion is a prerequisite for mindfulness

Maybe one of these sounds familiar? You're behind on several tasks at home or work and that dark feeling of delinquency comes over you saying "What is wrong with me? ... Everyone else is on top things." Or your spouse comes home in a rotten mood and suddenly you feel kind of bad about yourself saying "They wouldn't be talking to me like this if I had... or I hadn't...." ...
Read More --

How mindfulness keeps your “dark-side” in check

We all have a "dark side"...everyone of us does. Under the right amount of stress or pain, we can all succumb to dark, pessimistic thinking that results in ugly  words or actions. Our biology sets us up for this. Negative (a.k.a. fear-based) thinking is a "safer" option in survival terms. It keeps us on own toes when we're in real danger. But dark-side thinking and attitude...
Read More --

Use fear at the right time

Isn’t it amazing how much your thinking can change with your mood? When my fear is triggered, I can question things that in any other moment I know are quite secure. It’s something to respect about our humanity. Fear doesn’t just change how we think. Fear changes what we think. Fear activates a kind of supercomputer that runs through an astounding number of possibilities, ch...
Read More --

How to be vulnerable and strong at the same time

  At our core, we are all vulnerable. It doesn’t matter how tough, sarcastic or stoic we’ve learned to be. We can’t be authentic but not vulnerable at times. In relationships, vulnerable feelings like sadness and fear draw us into connection with others. They create our appetite for closeness. But without the proper attention, our vulnerability can drive communicatio...
Read More --

How Mindfulness Improves Attention Problems

ADHD and other attention problems are emotional. They are frustrating for loved ones, teachers and coworkers. And they cause guilt for those who suffer from them. This is a personal issue for me. As a child I struggled with attention for schoolwork, and I was ashamed of it. I remember feeling like an alien watching my classmates quietly work on assignments. I just couldn...
Read More --

How to have a good relationship with your anger

Anger serves an important purpose, but it must be managed. When we're angry, we may say things we later regret. Or we may not advocate for our needs by speaking up if something is bothering us. If either scenario fits for you, here are some ways to keep things in balance when it comes to anger: Get to know your personal anger signals. Maybe you internalized the idea...
Read More --

The 5 Surprising Benefits of Anger

Anger often gets a bad rap. It’s the feeling that we often judge as “wrong” or “bad.” But we can still get really angry... Scary angry at times. I've certainly been guilty of that myself. Just ask my husband. For a long time anger was only visible to me (and everyone else) when it was big...inaccurately big. I couldn't see my anger at the lower intensities, so it eventually...
Read More --

10 Things To Do for Yourself This Holiday Season

The holidays can be the time of year that we most fully 'lose' ourselves in busyness or harsh self-talk. We all have our personal ways that self-judgment or others’ judgment can threaten the experience of joy this season. So below is a list of things to keep in your mind and heart as you move forward in the next week. Remember yourself, not just the to-do list. Ther...
Read More --

Why feeling stress is necessary for happiness

If you ask yourself  "How do I feel right now?" Is there a ready answer? Very often, to be successful in our society, we must pump up our thinking abilities.  Many of us lead very rich thinking lives and we certainly benefit in practical ways because  of it.  We must be able to problem solve and analyze and wordsmith.  So if you are a skilled thinker, it can be easy to s...
Read More --